We were blessed to have an Advent penance service at our Church this past week. It was so beautiful and I’m still reflecting upon the entire night, from the opening hymn of “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” to the powerful reading of the prodigal son, to the magnificent homily about living out of the heart’s embrace of the Father, to examining our consciences together and receiving the Sacrament of God’s mercy…we had six priests present hearing individual confessions! What a wonderful night! Truly I was very grateful for the orthodoxy of the service and the reverence and solemnity of the entire night. So many times today one finds 'communal' penance/absolution services which are downright kooky with lots of downplaying of sin, covering over of guilt, and even placing your written sins in a hat to be burned up and blown away in the wind. This type of misguided “compassionate” service is very sad and an injustice to the Body of Christ.
God has given us such tremendous helps toward union with Him in the Sacramental life of the Church. The Sacrament of Confession is of such importance in my own life and it is a gift we should all partake of and be grateful for. There is real power in the Sacrament as it is truly an encounter with the living God. Frequent confession has changed me in ways both noticeably and secretly. I was dead, but now I live; I was lost, but now am found; I was blind, but now I see…and each time I encounter Jesus in this Sacrament there is a greater fullness…I’m more alive, more found, and able to see more and more clearly. One of the greatest things Jesus does for me in the frequent reception of this healing Sacrament is to teach me how to receive love. To receive His love and to receive the love of others…even to love myself. How important this is in our wounded lives! We all carry around such deep wounds…wounds that we inflict upon God and upon ourselves by our own sinfulness and lack of charity for others, wounds that others inflict upon us, and the wounds of living in a world that seems to be becoming less and less human. We are the walking wounded. We have found all kinds of creative ways to disguise our wounds…to hide them from others and especially from ourselves because being aware of them hurts us, convicts us, and calls for change from within us. So we hide them and we busy ourselves in all sorts of ways to distract us from seeing them so that we won’t have to turn to the Lord and be healed. We become addicted to food, TV, internet, phone, travel, entertainment, shopping, alcohol and drugs. We escape by sleeping too much or not enough and having so many little electronic devices that there is not a moment of silence in our whole day because if there were, we might hear His voice who is ever calling us to come to Him. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him in return. So why is this so hard for us? Why do we resist? Why do we busy ourselves with anything but Him? Do we think He will be boring? Or that He will make us become something we are not? Are we afraid that He actually DOES have the power to transform us? We convince ourselves that we can handle the status quo but we are uncertain about change so we keep up the business of day to day living plodding along and convincing ourselves that the only thing that matters is that “I’m a good person.”
It is fine to be a good person, but God wants us to be saints. It is what we are made for. Jesus even asks us to “be perfect.” Is that what we are afraid of? Either we convince ourselves that sainthood is for “good” people and THAT isn’t me or that sainthood is boring and that’s not for me either. In my case, all the wounds of life have left a deep sense of unworthiness and at the same time there resides in me such a deep desire for love…for the goodness and beauty of God. It is especially apparent in confession where these two parts of me come together and I am aware more and more of God’s mercy toward me and His unconditional love for me. And He loves me as I am right now, with all of my wounds showing and bleeding. And sometimes it hurts being looked upon with such love exactly as I am. But it is a good hurt because it is mysteriously healing. He heals me with that look of love. I don’t have to live defensively when He looks at me that way; I can open up to Him in love because He will never harm me or stop loving me no matter what. The most amazing thing happens and suddenly I am filled with unexplainable joy and gratitude. Hope too! I realize that God can make even me a saint and I often am overwhelmed with love for Him and a greater trust in Him. It is more precious than anything in the world and as I leave the confessional I wonder sometimes why more people don’t realize the treasure that is contained within. It is wholly good…God is entirely good! He grants lights according to our trust in Him…as our trust grows we are enabled to see the ways we offend Him…ways we didn’t even consider in the past, but have now become obvious. He shows us as we are in His loving presence and we see our nothingness, but at the same time, we see His greatness and see how much He loves us and how far He is willing to go to show us that He IS mercy. Even our many failings do not discourage us because we become convinced of His goodness. He, Himself, will stop by the side of the road and pick us up and bind up our wounds and pour the wine of His love upon us. He even carries us to the Inn of the Church where we are cared for until He comes again. How can we not be flocking in droves to confession? So many treasures wait for us in His infinite mercy. Sometimes we think we are good and that we have not sinned and wonder what there is to confess. That is the moment we should stop and realize that we are suffering from a spiritual blindness. If we ask the Holy Spirit to give us light, He will. And truly, there is not one of us who can get past the very first commandment without finding ample reason to be running to the Church for confession. How rarely do we put God and the things of God first in our lives. So much hope awaits us, though, for as long as we are still breathing, we can turn back to Him and start again. And He will make us saints if we open our hearts to Him and life will never be boring again. Let us all ask for the graces we need to appreciate this beautiful Sacrament and resolve to meet the Lord there more frequently.
Jesus, my Lord, thank you for the great gift of your mercy. Thank you for healing me and making my soul more beautiful. You are always present when I come to confession and you speak to me there. I am always amazed by your love and I am grateful. I love the form of confession and the safety I feel kneeling next to Father. What graces you send me to be able to come to confession without fear. Sometimes going in I have anxieties and am nervous, but there is something familiar about going that soon puts me at ease. I’m sure it is you, Lord, glad to welcome me with open arms. I feel like the very beloved daughter in whom the Father is well-pleased. I’m not afraid even when I can’t articulate my sins well or forget some of them or am highly emotional…inside of me there is a strong awareness of you. There is an awareness of your love and I become more and more resolved not to offend you again….to love you more and to do anything to make you more loved. You are so good to me, Jesus. You are so tender and full of love. I’m sad that so many people never go to confession…never come to you. You are all good and deserving of ALL our love. I want to love you and I know you will help me…you help me every single day. Forgive me, Lord, especially for the ways I offend you that I don’t even know about. Help me always be a witness to your mercy and to show your mercy to others. I beg you to call more people…indeed everyone…to the tribunal of Mercy so they can hear as I do those powerful words of absolution and be filled with the joy of heaven and with your own precious peace. I love you, Jesus. Never let me go…never let me betray you because you are everything to me and all I want…you have become so quickly my whole happiness. May you be the happiness and delight of us all and may we give thanks to you, for your mercy does, indeed, endure forever. Amen.
Recommended Reading:
- An Examination of Conscience: A Preparation for the Sacrament of Confession by Fr. Robert Altier
- The Confessions by St. Augustine
