Waiting for the Lord

JMJ

I have a special little book that I write some of my favorite things in. It is filled with words and phrases that lift my spirit or make me grateful to be alive and to be a child of God. A lot of the words in my little book are words I find in the Liturgy of the Hours Advent/Christmas volume. Words like splendor, radiant, glory, and light are written on the pages. What beautiful words they are! Advent is such a beautiful time of the year; it is filled with such longing and hope. It is also a penitential season enabling us to prepare to receive the newborn Jesus in a more real way into our hearts and lives; yet it often doesn’t feel penitential because this time of waiting and preparation is filled with such joyful anticipation and wonder. It’s sort of like preparing for a holiday party for all of your loved ones. There is a lot of work involved (though with love it doesn’t seem like work at all, but a delight), cleaning, shopping, cooking and doing all of those little extras that will hopefully please everyone…everything is done joyfully, with care and love, because you have expectations of what the party will be like…you want it to be nice for everyone. It’s also like waiting for a baby to arrive in the family…I’m currently awaiting the arrival of a new niece, and it seems I can’t wait to meet her. The anticipation itself becomes very exciting. Of course, if like me, waiting is difficult, then one truly feels the penitential nature of the season. Advent is such a great opportunity for spiritual growth…to develop virtues and to learn that there can be calmness in patient waiting. Peace. Praise God, the Church reminds us of this opportunity every single year!

Waiting has always been difficult for me; I’m a child of the instant gratification culture…of the ME culture. Since there is no room for selfishness in the spiritual life, there is a constant dying to oneself which usually involves some sort of suffering or pain. But the good news is that when something selfish dies within us, there is room for something else to be born inside of us…something better. And that something else is SOMEONE else, Jesus Christ. And that is such great news…someone definitely worth waiting an entire lifetime for.

Sometimes we wait with expectation and longing and hope for all of the wrong things and when they fail to match the perfection that is in our imaginations, we are so disappointed. Many of us have a collection of disappointments in our lives that cling to us. Of dreams shattered and feelings crushed by things or people or ideas that we think will satisfy us and make us happy or joyful, but never do. Even close friends or members of our own families seem to let us down and we let others down as well. We’re always causing each other so much pain. We all have such high expectations of everyone, including ourselves, and most of us possess those expectations on a purely natural level. It’s no wonder we are disappointed so often. All too often we view others as utilitarian to our own needs or value them for all the wrong reasons like intelligence, determination, beauty or wealth etc. It takes the little baby Jesus to teach us how to SEE people or things…to see the whole world around us in an entirely new way…with humble, trusting, baby eyes. A helpless little baby who is at the same time God! It simply boggles the mind in every way and forces us to re-examine everything in our lives and in our world. The amazing thing about waiting for Jesus during Advent or anytime of the year is that He never disappoints us. Never! He is always more than we can dream of or imagine if we surrender our whole being to Him. And when we do, He will teach us how to super- naturalize everything. We will see everyone as made in His image. We will see their inherent dignity as being children of God and we will learn to offer all of our disappointments to Him so that He can transform them into something beautiful. Nothing (not even a single tear) is wasted when it is given to the Lord with love. But sometimes we must first wait for Him. The person to teach us how, especially at Advent, is our lovely Blessed Mother Mary. Mary shows us how to surrender and how to wait.

How much of her life was spent waiting?!...waiting with trust that God would enlighten St. Joseph about the miracle growing within her, waiting for Elizabeth to have her baby, waiting nine months to see and to hold God in her arms, waiting in the cold while St. Joseph searched for an inn, and waiting in a cave to give birth to the Savior of all mankind. She waited with the utmost patience and graciousness as shepherds and wise men came to adore her Son. She waited the prescribed time to present Jesus in the temple, and waited as a refugee in Egypt. She waited on St. Joseph and Jesus with love day after day in Nazareth…praying, working, waiting, and pondering. She waited in anguish for three days when Jesus was lost in the temple wondering if she would ever see Him again and had to wait again as she pondered His reply when He was found. She waited at the bedside of St. Joseph as he lay dying; she waited with perfect trust even though her heart was filled with sorrow. She waited for her Son’s will to be done after she pointed out the need at Cana. She waited to hear news of Him while He was proclaiming the Kingdom of God and even had to wait outside to speak to Him as He gave us all a lesson. She had to wait in calmness as she saw the hatred toward Him whom she knew as both her God and her little baby. She waited while He was betrayed, unjustly accused, abandoned, mocked, tortured, and made to carry His own Holy Cross…the heavy weight of our sins. She waited at the foot of the Cross and watched Him bleed to death, to thirst, to suffocate, and to die of love. It seemed forever while she waited for Him to die, as the sword in her own heart was piercing through, and then she waited for them to place His sacred body into her arms once again. Oh my Mother! Obtain for us your love…a real and faithful love, which is so full of the patience of your Son! She waited for Him to rise again and waited for Him to ascend to the right hand of the Father. She waited for the coming of the Holy Spirit and waited eagerly to receive her Son again in Holy Communion from the hands of St. John at Ephesus. Through the liturgy, she waited, as we do each year, to relive all the mysteries of her Son’s life…of her own life, too, as she was a witness to them all. Let us all ask Mary, our sweet mother, to help us to wait with burning hearts for the coming of the Lord…at Christmas, in Glory, radiant, full of splendor, today in prayer, and in Holy Communion...always and forever. Let us be grateful and attentive to everything that concerns our Lord Jesus so that He can find rest in our hearts.




My tender Lord Jesus, lately everyday seems like an Advent for me as I wait eagerly for Mass and receiving you in the Sacred Host in Holy Communion. There is such anticipation within me because the more I taste your sweetness…your goodness…the more I want you. When I think I might not be able to receive you for a day, it seems I feel the greatest loss inside me (and that is only with a thought!). Thank you for giving me such a perfect schedule so that I can receive you everyday into my own body and thank you for giving me such ardent desires for you that you keep expanding. You pour your life out into me and I live because of you. Every day you make me more like you. I’m so grateful and I want to make the gift of myself to you more complete. Take all of me Lord and continue to be pleased with me even though I see how I have no right at all to your free gifts of love. You are so generous! I’m never disappointed receiving you. You always give me much more than I’m capable of even imagining. I never knew that I could rely on someone so completely; it is such a change from what the whole world says. The world says I should rely on myself for happiness and be full of my own strength and power and make my own world happen. But you come as a baby to teach me how to be humble and how to be poor in spirit and how to trust and rely on you for absolutely everything in my entire life…even my own happiness! Especially my own happiness! It is so amazing! And it is so liberating. My Lord, you give freedom upon freedom. You set us free from sin and free from ourselves. Sometimes, Jesus, when you want to increase my faith or perseverance, it seems you hide from me and I feel alone. In those times especially, Lord, let your mother help me to wait for you and to be still and filled with your own patience. Let her teach me how to love and to ponder in my heart the things I don’t understand until you are ready to give me more light. You always show me what you want me to know when you are ready. I'm so grateful! Thank you, my Lord, for giving us this lovely time of Advent to increase our longing for your coming. I love you. Continue to bless us all and hold us in your tender love. Amen.

Recommended reading:

• The Imitation of Mary by Thomas à Kempis
• Dawn of the Messiah: The Coming of Christ in Scripture by Edward Sri

Confession

JMJ

We were blessed to have an Advent penance service at our Church this past week. It was so beautiful and I’m still reflecting upon the entire night, from the opening hymn of “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” to the powerful reading of the prodigal son, to the magnificent homily about living out of the heart’s embrace of the Father, to examining our consciences together and receiving the Sacrament of God’s mercy…we had six priests present hearing individual confessions! What a wonderful night! Truly I was very grateful for the orthodoxy of the service and the reverence and solemnity of the entire night. So many times today one finds 'communal' penance/absolution services which are downright kooky with lots of downplaying of sin, covering over of guilt, and even placing your written sins in a hat to be burned up and blown away in the wind. This type of misguided “compassionate” service is very sad and an injustice to the Body of Christ.

God has given us such tremendous helps toward union with Him in the Sacramental life of the Church. The Sacrament of Confession is of such importance in my own life and it is a gift we should all partake of and be grateful for. There is real power in the Sacrament as it is truly an encounter with the living God. Frequent confession has changed me in ways both noticeably and secretly. I was dead, but now I live; I was lost, but now am found; I was blind, but now I see…and each time I encounter Jesus in this Sacrament there is a greater fullness…I’m more alive, more found, and able to see more and more clearly. One of the greatest things Jesus does for me in the frequent reception of this healing Sacrament is to teach me how to receive love. To receive His love and to receive the love of others…even to love myself. How important this is in our wounded lives! We all carry around such deep wounds…wounds that we inflict upon God and upon ourselves by our own sinfulness and lack of charity for others, wounds that others inflict upon us, and the wounds of living in a world that seems to be becoming less and less human. We are the walking wounded. We have found all kinds of creative ways to disguise our wounds…to hide them from others and especially from ourselves because being aware of them hurts us, convicts us, and calls for change from within us. So we hide them and we busy ourselves in all sorts of ways to distract us from seeing them so that we won’t have to turn to the Lord and be healed. We become addicted to food, TV, internet, phone, travel, entertainment, shopping, alcohol and drugs. We escape by sleeping too much or not enough and having so many little electronic devices that there is not a moment of silence in our whole day because if there were, we might hear His voice who is ever calling us to come to Him. He loves us so much and wants us to love Him in return. So why is this so hard for us? Why do we resist? Why do we busy ourselves with anything but Him? Do we think He will be boring? Or that He will make us become something we are not? Are we afraid that He actually DOES have the power to transform us? We convince ourselves that we can handle the status quo but we are uncertain about change so we keep up the business of day to day living plodding along and convincing ourselves that the only thing that matters is that “I’m a good person.”

It is fine to be a good person, but God wants us to be saints. It is what we are made for. Jesus even asks us to “be perfect.” Is that what we are afraid of? Either we convince ourselves that sainthood is for “good” people and THAT isn’t me or that sainthood is boring and that’s not for me either. In my case, all the wounds of life have left a deep sense of unworthiness and at the same time there resides in me such a deep desire for love…for the goodness and beauty of God. It is especially apparent in confession where these two parts of me come together and I am aware more and more of God’s mercy toward me and His unconditional love for me. And He loves me as I am right now, with all of my wounds showing and bleeding. And sometimes it hurts being looked upon with such love exactly as I am. But it is a good hurt because it is mysteriously healing. He heals me with that look of love. I don’t have to live defensively when He looks at me that way; I can open up to Him in love because He will never harm me or stop loving me no matter what. The most amazing thing happens and suddenly I am filled with unexplainable joy and gratitude. Hope too! I realize that God can make even me a saint and I often am overwhelmed with love for Him and a greater trust in Him. It is more precious than anything in the world and as I leave the confessional I wonder sometimes why more people don’t realize the treasure that is contained within. It is wholly good…God is entirely good! He grants lights according to our trust in Him…as our trust grows we are enabled to see the ways we offend Him…ways we didn’t even consider in the past, but have now become obvious. He shows us as we are in His loving presence and we see our nothingness, but at the same time, we see His greatness and see how much He loves us and how far He is willing to go to show us that He IS mercy. Even our many failings do not discourage us because we become convinced of His goodness. He, Himself, will stop by the side of the road and pick us up and bind up our wounds and pour the wine of His love upon us. He even carries us to the Inn of the Church where we are cared for until He comes again. How can we not be flocking in droves to confession? So many treasures wait for us in His infinite mercy. Sometimes we think we are good and that we have not sinned and wonder what there is to confess. That is the moment we should stop and realize that we are suffering from a spiritual blindness. If we ask the Holy Spirit to give us light, He will. And truly, there is not one of us who can get past the very first commandment without finding ample reason to be running to the Church for confession. How rarely do we put God and the things of God first in our lives. So much hope awaits us, though, for as long as we are still breathing, we can turn back to Him and start again. And He will make us saints if we open our hearts to Him and life will never be boring again. Let us all ask for the graces we need to appreciate this beautiful Sacrament and resolve to meet the Lord there more frequently.



Jesus, my Lord, thank you for the great gift of your mercy. Thank you for healing me and making my soul more beautiful. You are always present when I come to confession and you speak to me there. I am always amazed by your love and I am grateful. I love the form of confession and the safety I feel kneeling next to Father. What graces you send me to be able to come to confession without fear. Sometimes going in I have anxieties and am nervous, but there is something familiar about going that soon puts me at ease. I’m sure it is you, Lord, glad to welcome me with open arms. I feel like the very beloved daughter in whom the Father is well-pleased. I’m not afraid even when I can’t articulate my sins well or forget some of them or am highly emotional…inside of me there is a strong awareness of you. There is an awareness of your love and I become more and more resolved not to offend you again….to love you more and to do anything to make you more loved. You are so good to me, Jesus. You are so tender and full of love. I’m sad that so many people never go to confession…never come to you. You are all good and deserving of ALL our love. I want to love you and I know you will help me…you help me every single day. Forgive me, Lord, especially for the ways I offend you that I don’t even know about. Help me always be a witness to your mercy and to show your mercy to others. I beg you to call more people…indeed everyone…to the tribunal of Mercy so they can hear as I do those powerful words of absolution and be filled with the joy of heaven and with your own precious peace. I love you, Jesus. Never let me go…never let me betray you because you are everything to me and all I want…you have become so quickly my whole happiness. May you be the happiness and delight of us all and may we give thanks to you, for your mercy does, indeed, endure forever. Amen.

Recommended Reading:

• An Examination of Conscience: A Preparation for the Sacrament of Confession by Fr. Robert Altier
• The Confessions by St. Augustine